*Name changed to protect the privacy of respondent.

“Mental health wasn’t something we talked about as a family when I was a kid,” says Ashley Oliver*, a 35-year-old who grew up in Reading, Mass., with her younger brother and baby boomer parents.“I had a good childhood, but I didn’t get the impression my mom or dad were ever conscious of their own mental health status. It felt like they and others their age viewed mental health treatment as emergency care, not proactive or preventive.”

For those who grew up in households with parents or guardians from older generations, Oliver’s experience is not uncommon.

How mental health is — or isn’t — discussed at home can impact children through adulthood. That’s why having open conversations that eliminate negative perceptions about mental health topics is key for parents to foster an emotionally supportive home for their children.

Mental health attitudes across generations

“I try to be as open as possible with people when I’m having periods of stress, anxiety, or depression,” shares Oliver — who currently uses therapy, conversations with friends, and journaling as outlets for her mental health.

Referred to as the “therapy generation,” millennials are more likely to talk about mental health compared to other generations; they view it as a form of self-care rather than a taboo topic. Gen Z shares a similar sentiment, as both generations normalize mental health conversations through sharing and talking with others about their own experiences on social media platforms. Both generations are also more likely to go to therapy, as well as more openly talk about their mental health with peers.   

For older generations, mental health can carry a stigma. Many who grew up as part of the Silent Generation, or whose parents are from that generation, were taught to tough out any hardships — mental or otherwise. Some baby boomers and Gen Xers cope by suppressing emotions and keeping struggles private, and all three generations are less likely to seek therapy compared to younger generations. Though as perceptions of mental health have changed over the last few decades, some people are slowly becoming more comfortable opening up and seeking support.

Mental health at home: How kids are impacted

While there’s been a positive shift when it comes to the topic of mental health as a society, arguably the most important space to feel comfortable discussing mental health is in your own home.

“Children often take cues from their parents,” says Kim Mauch, LICSW, manager of behavioral health operations at Point32Health, the parent company of Harvard Pilgrim Health Care and Tufts Health Plan.

They are constantly learning, including how to understand and process emotions, so a parent or caregiver’s attitude toward mental health can greatly impact that child’s view of mental health. If a parent isn’t speaking openly or fostering a safe space to discuss feelings, children may not feel comfortable enough going to their loved ones during times of stress or understand how to approach their own feelings internally.

When children may need additional support, mental health stigmas can delay or keep parents from seeking help, according to Mauch. “Whether due to societal pressures or a fear of being judged, this hesitation can prevent children from receiving the support they need at a critical time.”

Studies have shown that children are more likely to develop mental health issues, like anxiety and depression, if one of their parents has a mental health issue. And while genetics can be a contributing factor for mental health outcomes, it’s still beneficial to promote emotional literacy at home.

The journey toward emotional literacy

Emotional literacy, or the ability to understand, identify, and manage your own emotions, is what helps you develop healthy relationships and stay attuned to your mental health needs. This is especially important for children today, as they face unique pressures such as social media, academic stress, and increased anxiety. For children, the journey to becoming emotionally literate often starts with their caregivers.

“It’s key for parents to emphasize the importance of mental health as part of overall well-being,” says Mauch, who shares some suggestions on where to start the conversation:

1.     Normalize conversations about mental health by talking about it regularly. Consider questions that offer an easy way for your child to express their feelings.

2.     Model vulnerability and openness by sharing your own feelings and how you manage your own emotions, which can also help to foster empathy.

3.     Avoid judgement or dismissing emotions when your child does share.

4.     Be patient, as it may take time before your child feels comfortable opening up. Repeat the process often.

Even when kids are struggling to talk about or manage their feelings, don’t discount the value of physical health on mental well-being and vice versa. Keeping them active, eating well, and participating in activities and social interaction are vital. And for additional resources, consider checking out the Living Well program, which offers wellness webinars, mindfulness and virtual fitness classes for everyone at no cost.

Seeking additional mental health support

When Oliver was 11, her parents had her and her brother meet with a therapist. Her live-in grandmother had passed away, and while Oliver doesn’t remember talking about it much as a family, her parents provided them with an outlet to process their grief.

“At the time, I practically needed to be bribed to go, but now I can appreciate that they took that step. They recognized I might need more support than they were able to give,” shares Oliver.

When it comes to making the decision to seek professional support for your kids, it can feel overwhelming knowing where to start. That’s where Mauch and her team come in. Through the Behavioral Health Service Navigation (BHSN) program, they help Harvard Pilgrim Health Care and Tufts Health Plan members, including young children, navigate the complexities of behavioral health care.

Each service navigator has a behavioral health background and works with interested members to find the appropriate care option. They’ll speak to each member directly, listen to their needs, ease any concerns, and schedule a timely appointment with a provider. After the appointment, the service navigator will check in with the member to see how it went and, if expectations were not met, work to find a different provider.

“Unlike many health insurers whose navigation programs simply provide members with a list of area providers, our program takes a hands-on, personal approach,” says Jake Biscoglio, president of commercial and specialty markets for Harvard Pilgrim Health Care. “It’s unique in the health insurance industry as it provides members with personalized solutions that close gaps in their behavioral health care journey and has the potential to improve health outcomes.”

For parents advocating on behalf of their children, the BHSN team navigates the challenges related to limited in-person care, pediatric care specialties, and availability outside of school hours. A variety of programs geared toward pediatric mental health are available as well.

Bill Harlan, LMHC, vice president of behavioral health and health engagement at Point32Health, adds that while behavioral health access is a challenge regardless of age, the BHSN program has been able to help members effectively navigate the health care system. “Our program has seen overwhelming success with 9 out of 10 members satisfied, thanks in large part to our local team and the neighbor-helping-neighbor approach,” he says.

Get talking today

Regardless of what generation you’re from or how you were raised, connecting with your kids about their mental health doesn’t have to be complicated. Ask engaging questions, actively listen, and offer support. At the end of the day, if you’re creating a space for your family to feel comfortable expressing their feelings, you’re doing a good job.

Harvard Pilgrim Health Care, a Point32Health company, provides nationally ranked health plans and care-based programs and services to nearly 900,000 members in New England and beyond. Founded by doctors more than 50 years ago, it builds on that legacy and partnerships through an expansive network of doctors and hospitals nationwide to improve health outcomes and lower costs through clinical quality and innovative care management. A leading, not-for-profit health and well-being company, Harvard Pilgrim Health Care guides members — and the communities it serves — to better health each day.

Learn more about Harvard Pilgrim’s pediatric behavioral health resources and programs.